A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation

• When something bad happens:

  True is it that we have seen better days.

• When something REALLY bad happens:

  O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!

• When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so:

  The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.

• When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them:

  BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!

• When I burn something while cooking:

  MY CAKE IS DOUGH!

• When human stupidity frustrates me:

  LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!

• When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins:

  NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.

• When I'm broke:

  My pride fell with my fortunes

• When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues:

  OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!

• When someone disagrees with me:

  THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.

• When I argue with my girlfriend:

  The course of true love never did run smooth.

• When I'm embarrassed:

  MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!

• Someone says "Good Night":

  Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.

• When I'm doing the laundry:

  OUT, damned spot!